


I kept looking for my heart and you had it the whole time

by the_milky_way



Series: 25 Days of Buck and Eddie [18]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 25 Days of Fic, Buck learns origami, Chim is a good friend, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Prompt Fic, Schmoop, Secret Admirer, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley, Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, prompts, who is not so secret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:46:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28157049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_milky_way/pseuds/the_milky_way
Summary: But somehow Maddie getting him to research bracelet designs put him on the right path. It went like this, looking for pendant designs led to him reading about japanese animal pendants which guided him to articles about japanese art which then sort of landed him at origami. So here he was now, with sheets of special paper ordered online and signed up to an online course about the right folding technique.or:Buck has a hobby which might turn into the best possible way to confess his feelings for Eddie.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: 25 Days of Buck and Eddie [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2036098
Comments: 14
Kudos: 254
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	I kept looking for my heart and you had it the whole time

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt for Day 18:
> 
> "Animal"
> 
> and [SMeerschwein](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SMeerschwein/pseuds/SMeerschwein) wanted "Buck to take up origami and give some pieces to Eddie who is oblivious about them being from Buck".

Buck had a lot of free time at his hands during his periods of recovery. At first, just the fact that he had to think about what he wanted to do with this time was depressing as hell. Most of his activities outside of work were connected to something physical. Which yeah, not possible during the first few months of his forced downtime. And when he started physical therapy he wasn’t really in the best mindset to do any of those hobbies parallel to the excruciating pain he was living through.

So he had to find something different to occupy himself with. Getting lost in research circles only kept him from maudlin for so long. Music wasn’t the best either because he loved to at least shake his hips to a tune. So he tried painting which resulted in him throwing the tubes of paint, the easel and brush across the loft after his still life turned into square circles. Don’t ask him how, it was still a frustrating topic. Next came stitching, which lasted about five minutes. The next try was Maddie’s fault since she loved jewelry and thought he’d be awesome at creating bracelets. He was not. 

But somehow Maddie getting him to research bracelet designs put him on the right path. It went like this, looking for pendant designs led to him reading about Japanese animal pendants which guided him to articles about Japanese art which then sort of landed him at origami. So here he was now, with sheets of special paper ordered online and signed up to an video course about the right folding technique.

And he was good at it. It was fun. It occupied his mind and his hands in ways that were soothing and he had really cool animal-like figurines to look at. Well, okay the first couple of tries never looked like anything but he got the hang out of it. Eventually. Even got praise from his online coach. Buck took the months of free time to create an arsenal of figurines. There were swans, cranes, tigers and foxes and many more. He even got a stylish glass box with compartments to store them in. Maddie was presented some of his works, too but other than her he didn’t really tell anybody about it. Not out of shame or anything more for the reason that this was a thing solely for himself. He thought he told Eddie once. But that might have been a dream when he was still doped up on pain meds.

Anyway, it was close to Christmas and Buck thought it a good idea to add origami figurines to the presents he had already wrapped for his friends and family. They looked nice, like a pendant hanging from colorful strings of ribbon. And then he thought he’d bring Eddie one for his and Chris’ tree. Which is how he ended up sitting at one of the tables in the station’s loft blinking confusedly at his best friend.

“I mean it’s cute. Really cool craftsmanship but why would anyone give me an origami crane?” Eddie wondered out loud while handing plates of food to Chim and Hen. 

They’d been discussing the crane showing up in Eddie’s locker for a good ten minutes now. Speculating about the who and the why. And Buck felt lost, because he hadn't been subtle about it. Like not at all, not even trying. He had walked into the locker, said hi to Chim and then had placed the crane between the air vents of Eddie’s locker. Nothing subtle about it. 

“Secret admirer, maybe?” Hen suggested, smirk at the ready and high-fiving Chim when he snorted.

Eddie rolled his eyes, sighed and plopped down into the chair next to Buck. 

“Right. I should be so lucky.”

Wait, what? Eddie wanted a secret admirer? 

Maybe, he could. But no. No, they were best friends. Which was all nice and good and enough. It had to be enough because there wasn’t going to be more. Also, Eddie was probably imagining someone of the more female variety. Not his best friend. It would be pretty mean to bring his hopes up and then crush them by revealing it was just Buck the entire time.

"Maybe you are this lucky," Hen added when Eddie wasn't saying anything further in the subject. "One of the newbies was checking you out earlier."

"You think they'd be into origami? He couldn't even fine tune the hose. I don't think he possesses the skills for folding paper into a filigree crane," Eddie snorted. 

And wait, did that sound like he'd be okay with a mlae secret admirer? Buck blinked again but kept silent, not daring to open his mouth in fear of blurting something out that definitely wasn't meant for the entire station to hear. Buck's only contribution to the conversation was to nod when Bobby suggested that the crane would look nice as a tree ornament. Almost even smiled when Eddie liked the idea. After he was sort of lost in his head for a while. It was Chim’s hand that snapped him out of it. The loft was empty, only them and the dishes left. And Chim hated doing dishes, so Buck was pretty sure he would have the loft to himself very soon.

Chim stayed, though. Even collected the rest of the dirty dishes from the tables at the far end of the room. Buck waited for him to start talking, because he was pretty sure Chim had something to say to him. 

“You’ve gotten really good at it,” Chim said when Buck was readying the sink. They were side by side now with Chim handing plates over and Buck rinsing them thoroughly before dunking them into the soapy water.

“Maddie, huh?”

“She loves them. Has them placed all over the shelves, in the nooks between the books and one on the nightstand. Also, I saw you placing it at Eddie’s locker.”

So not so oblivious then. Buck laughed, shook his head a little and turned to look at Chim.

“I didn’t even try to hide it. It was supposed to be for their tree. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“And destroy Eddie’s hopes for a secret admirer? Mind me, the admirer is not so secret but you should have seen his face when he found it. Whatever you were so deep in thoughts about, Eddie rejecting you better not be one of those.”

Buck was doing a lot of blinking today as it seemed, because he did so at Chim. Was Chim really telling that Eddie might actually want Buck to be his secret admirer? This sort of felt like those things that were too good to be true.

“You think so?”

“Oh Buckaroo, of course. The man is as gone on you as you are on him. And don’t even try to deny it. As you said, you aren’t exactly subtle my friend. Neither is Eddie by the way. Should take a close look at your best friend from time to time. Especially when he thinks no one can see him staring at you. He loved the origami. Might be your perfect way to tell him how you feel.”

When Buck got home after shift he went to his glass box sorted through the best of his works and came up with a plan. Eleven days until Christmas and he’d be on shift with Eddie for at least five of those. The crane would follow two swans, just to keep it company. Then there would be a fire truck for Chris, a tiger and a fox for a different kind of animal and last but not least a heart for Eddie. 

Buck just hoped he wasn’t crossing any lines and therefore messing things up between them. But he followed Chims advice and tried, very subtly this time, to watch Eddie. Although, at first Buck thought Chim was imagining things he kept on observing. And when he started to catch little moments of Eddie dropping his guard and openly admired Buck from afar, he thought Chim might be onto something. The best moments though, were the ones he caught Eddie staring at the origami figurines. 

His eyes went soft, his face was tinged in wonder and Eddie got lost in thoughts for a second or two. But what got to Buck the most was the hopeful smile Eddie would let slip onto his lips when he thought no one was around. The same hopeful smile he’d direct towards Buck’s locker before he carefully stowed the figurine away and got ready for shift.

A day before Christmas Buck was thinking about the best way to hand over the heart when Eddie sort of presented him with the best opportunity he could wish for. They had just gotten back from a rather rough call, all of them exhausted, coated in ash and soot, sweat clinging to them like a film of something toxic.

Buck was getting dressed, fresh out of the shower, ready to crash and try to at least get a couple of minutes of rest, when Eddie was by his side.

“Hey. I know this is sort of last minute but… do you wanna come over after shift, stay over night and spend Christmas morning with Chris and me? I mean if you… don’t have other plans, of course.”

Eddie looked a little nervous, not overly so but enough that Buck could see it in the twitching of his fingers and in the way he darted his eyes around. They were alone in the locker room, though. Buck finished pulling the shirt over his head, tempted to drag it out because he could feel Eddie’s eyes on him now. He didn’t really want to be mean, though. So he looked up, got himself a little lost in the warmth of brown eyes and smiled. He didn’t have any other plans and Maddie would understand.

“I’d be happy to, Eddie. Getting to watch the little man being excited about Santa is one of the great things on Christmas.”

Buck was in the middle of tugging his sweater over his head so he couldn’t really hear all that clearly but he was pretty sure Eddie mumbled something about not deserving Buck. 

“What?”

“Oh, nothing. Just looking forward to having you over.”

Buck didn’t even try to hide his smile, heart jumping when Eddie answered with his own. There was something in the air between them that hadn’t been there before. Like Eddie asking Buck over for Christmas sort of clicked things into place.

Making it through the rest of the shift was exhausting to a degree Buck wished he didn't have the misfortune of knowing. Eddie seemed a little more alert so Buck decided Eddie had to drive. It earned him a snort and a pat on the back but once he was in the passenger's seat of Eddie’s truck he was out.

“Buck.”

“Five mo’ minutes.” Buck wanted to sleep. It was really unfair and mean to be woken up in the middle of the night. Really mean. Soft laughter next to his ear let him know that he might have said that out loud.

“Come on, Buck. Let's get into the house and then you can go back to sleep. Promise.”

He was still in Eddis’s truck as it seemed. Oh. Well, no wonder Eddie was shaking him gently, trying to wake him up enough so that they could move. Exhaustion made Buck dizzy, enough so, that he clung to Eddie in a way that wasn’t helpful with moving at all. But Eddie was so warm and felt good against his body. So Buck held on tighter. 

He must have lost a bit of time there because the next thing Buck was aware of was being dumped onto Eddie’s bed. Which, soft and comfortable, was not the place Buck wanted to be right now. Well, he wanted to but he needed to do something first.

As Eddie got him out of his shoes Buck tried to form the right words, to actually find the ones he needed in this moment. He drew a blank so spectacularly that Eddie was about to shut off the light and leave Buck to fall asleep again.

“Eds, wait,” Buck managed to slur out before the door was fully closed. 

This was not how he’d imagined things to go but maybe it was the perfect time to actually do it. Not inhibited by his own clear mind Buck might actually be brave enough to take a plunge and do as Chim had advised him to.

“You okay, Buck?” Eddie was standing in the doorway, too far away for Buck’s liking. So he held his hand out and wiggled his fingers like a five-year-old and hoped Eddie would find it cute instead of childish.

“Man, you must be really exhausted.”

“Sorta. Yeah, I guess. You coming to bed, too or am I kicking you out?” It wasn’t what he wanted to say but it was a question jumping at him when Eddie moved back into the room and sat down at the edge of the bed.

“Was planning for the couch,” Eddie answered softly, looking down at Buck with a look that held so much wonder and warmth that Buck couldn’t help but reach out.

“Come to bed Eddie.”

The silence wasn’t a bad one, just contemplative, time for Eddie to mull over it while Buck gently tugged at his fingers. Eddie’s decision would define their future relationship. They both knew it, could see it in each other’s eyes even though there was only the dim light of the hallway to go by with. Eddie turned his hand then, palm up, fingers spread and let Buck tangle them together in a way that left almost no room for doubt.

“Okay. Just.. let me close up and get ready. I’ll be back in a few.”

Buck managed to wiggle out of his pants and hoodie, then crawled under the blanket only to shoot up a second later when he wondered where his bag was. That was how Eddie found him, sitting there staring confusedly around the room.

“Buck?”

“Where’s my bag?”

“Out in the hallway. Do you need anything from it?” Eddie didn’t turn immediately but he was ready to go and get Buck his bag.

“Just my heart.”

“Uh.. your what?”

Okay, so maybe that came out a little ambiguous. A lot ambiguous actually judging by the look Eddie was giving him.

“I want to give you my heart. Symbolically. Stop freaking out. But it can wait till tomorrow. Christmas Day is a way better time to do it anyway. So clichéd it almost hurts. Come to bed, Eds.”

By the time Buck had settled into his favorite sleeping position, which incidentally brought him real close to Eddie and let his arm flop over his chest, Eddie was laughing at him. 

“You are like a big cat. Turning around yourself a hundred times only to end up in the first position.”

“Shut up, you think it’s cute,” Buck mumbled into the pillow that smelled like Eddie’s shampoo and good laundry detergent. Buck decided he liked that mixture.

“Yeah, I do. So giving me your heart symbolically? What exactly does that entail?”

Of course Eddie wouldn’t let that go. Not that Buck would either if someone told him something like this. It was a pretty big thing to say out loud after all. He could blame exhaustion, tiredness or his general disposition for word vomit, but he didn’t want to. He wanted to be honest, despite all the doubts and fears screaming at him not to. But right here, being in bed with Eddie, having him close, having him ask the important question, Buck needed to take that step.

“Just me giving you an origami heart and asking if maybe we could go out sometime.”

“Oh good. Saves me from having to clean up all the blood my other ideas would have come with. I can live with symbols like paper hearts. Especially if it looks as good as the other figurines you made. I hoped, you know. I might have suspected everyone else at the station first but I hoped they were from you.”

With that Eddie shifted a bit, moved so that they were lying side by side. This way it was easier for him to pull Buck fully into his arms, guide his head down into Eddie’s shoulder. The way they fit, it made Buck smile.

“Wasn’t being secretive about it. Never hid when I placed them. I just thought they'd be nice on your tree. And I like making them. Gets me out of my head and keeps me busy when nothing else helps.”

That was what he told his therapist. And he knew it was true. But telling Eddie about it was a step he thought might come in the future - not before anything really happened between them. 

“I’m glad it does. And they do look good in the tree. And if you still want to, I’d be very honored to receive your heart in the morning,” Eddie’s voice was full of laughter, of warmth. 

“Pretty sure that can be arranged.”

Buck fell asleep to the sound of Eddie’s laugh, his gentle heartbeat beneath his ear and Eddie’s hand stroking a slow rhythm into his back. His heart would be Eddie’s in the morning - the paper one. His real heart had been captured by his best friend a long time ago. And yes, Buck knew how stupidly romantic that sounded, even in his own head. They hadn’t even kissed yet for god’s sake.

With his last conscious thought Buck decided that Chim deserved a gift basket.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, A.  
> <3


End file.
